Again...

Last night, all my problems were coming back to me. I think it was because school is going to start again on Monday and they all just came flooding back. I didn't talk to anyone in my group because I know they're the main reason. My family saw a difference in me this week which was good. They were happy that I acted like myself and not depressed like how I was before Spring Break. You could never tell I was depressed at school because I put on a smile. I am a down to earth girl who loves to tell jokes and make others laugh even when it's not intended and this week I was that person again; my old self. Thankfully, I was told about this app called Smile More and at random times of the day it'll tell me something. So last night when I was feeling down and felt like I was nothing, the app popped up a saying right there. It said "You are someone else's reason to smile." Which made me smile a little. Then I woke up this morning feeling the same way as I did last night but that same app popped up with another saying for me. "You are lovely and you are loved. Never forget that."

I thank God I found this app because it is helping me put that wall up that my pastor always talked about. I don't care if my own best friends who I've known since elementary, talk bad behind my back. I could care less now because I have friends who I've met over the years who would never talk bad about me and love me for me. I love how when I'm not trying to be funny, they're like "You're so funny Maggie." Because that makes me smile. Even if I said a lame joke, they'll laugh at it because they know it makes me happy.

This one song is like my theme song right now because it helped me through all of this. It's called 'My Calling' by Emblem3 and it really helps with any problem.


"My Calling"

La Da Da Da
La Da Da Da Dum Da
La Da Da Da Mm Daa
Ba Da Da Dum

I dream of black shades
Driving with the top down
Not a care in the world 
as the sun sets to the ground
Two birds of a feather sharing in this world
a change for the better, yeah

Uh
True night, memory
No enemies as I'm breathing in deeply
Filling my lungs up 
with the cool night summer breeze, yeah

Rise above and grow some love
as the world spins round and round
Our love keeps time to this sound

This is my calling, I tell you
This earth is falling down on you and
Wisdom is power to controlling knowledge, yeah
The future of the world is in the minds of kids

See, I ain't got no place to be going
no places I gotta be, yeah
My mind spell peace and it's inside of me
So beat the beat of my heart up
for you from the star to the floor
At the floor, looking for beautiful

Down into the Twilight
Down into the New Moon
Down into the Eclipse
Down into the gummies
and I'm playing ukulele tunes to my baby, baby

As the world spins round and round
Our love keeps time to this sound

This is my calling, I tell you
This earth is falling down on you and
Wisdom is power to controlling knowledge, yeah
The future of the world is in the minds of kids
(Minds of kids)

And I, I know-ow-ow that
we don't have to worry, no
Please don't worry, no
And you're my friend
We'll be okay in the end
We'll be okay in the end

While the world spins round and round
Our love keeps time to this sound
And time turns upside down
Yeah

This is my calling, I tell you
This earth is falling down on you and
Wisdom is power to controlling knowledge, yeah
The future of the world is in the minds of kids

It's in the minds of kids
minds of kids
It's in the minds of kids
minds of kids
It's in the minds of kids
minds of kids
It's in the minds of kids

La Da Da Da Mm Da
La Da Da Da Mm Da Daa
La Da Da Da Mm Daa
Ba Da Da Dum
Ba Da Da Dum


Also, Indigo really helps as well because it just makes a smile on your face. Hopefully when I return to school tomorrow, that wall that I've built will stay strong and won't come crumbling down. My wall is strong now and nothing will break through it, not even that little demon in my head that wants it too because that angel that is right next to it is helping me hold up that wall and that wall will stay up.