11/10/14

         In sixth grade, I was a confident clarinet player. I was always first chair and I would go home after school and practice playing for hours. At the end of the school year, we had band auditions and I was placed in the highest band in middle school, Honors Band. I was with a clarinet section that had four 7th graders (including me) and three 8th graders. The 8th graders where 1st-3rd chair and I was 4th, which is an amazing thing. The only problem was that they were amazing players. "I can never play like them. I can't even read music," I thought to myself everyday. Then 8th grade year came for me. I moved up to 1st chair but one of the girls in the same grade as I started taking lessons. Now her and I were changing chairs every week. I would be first one week and then the next second and then back to first.This was bringing my confidence down. I always believed it was because of my old lessons teacher who would bring me down but I realized that it was because I was afraid of others judging my sound. This went on until sophomore year.


Sophomore year I got a new private lessons teacher. He was amazing. When I first played for him so he could see what he was dealing with, he was in awe. "You have one of the best sounds I have ever heard," He told me. I was in shock. He thought I was good? I was in the second band because I never put any effort into band. I was always put down by others telling me that my sound was too soft and when I would play loud, they would laugh and tell me that my sound didn't even get louder. I started to get a little more confident with this lessons teacher.

Junior year, now. I have been trying to work hard to make Region Band this year. My lessons teacher has been pushing me because he knows that with my sound, I have a big chance of making it this year. Today was the day I gained my confidence back from sixth grade. November 10, 2014. I was in the Orchestra room with the other Wind Ensemble clarinets (I'm in the top band now) and we were practicing Region music. They made two clarinets at a time play to see who got the measure we were practicing. We finished and continued to play as a group but the first chair clarinet wanted another girl and I to play because he thought we were the ones messing up. She's last chair and I'm second to last so of course they would assume it was us. We nodded and played. She messed up the first two notes and stopped playing immediately. I didn't mess up so I continued to play. Once I stopped, everyone was in awe. I sat there, wondering why they were looking at me. "That was beautiful!" Two clarinet players said. "I could hear it too!" Another one said. I was in shocked that they said that. I've never been complimented by them before.

The rest of the time that we played, I felt confidence come out of me. I felt proud and I wanted to just go home and practice some more. I wanted to go to lessons and tell my lessons teacher what happened. I felt proud of myself for the first time in years. It made me realize why I loved playing my clarinet when I was younger. Just that one moment brought my love for band back and I know for sure that with that moment, my playing is going to improve because my mind is telling me that I can achieve what I want to achieve.